Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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