I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
