And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
