Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize