I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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