Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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