What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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