fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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