You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
