he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
