It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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