im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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