im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
