In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
