apparently the secret to your success is patron
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
