Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
