Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
