our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize