everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I deserve this hangover.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
