Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i now understand why vodka
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
