hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In other news, I just burned my penis
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
