Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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