I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
