actually, I'm a sock model
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
