Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
