Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
