I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
