when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
