i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
