toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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