Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
