I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
