I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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