Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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