we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
