I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
