It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
