Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
