her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize