Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
