Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Randomize
