I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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