Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
