Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
