Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
wanna go halves on a baby?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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