I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
