thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I need water and some morals
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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