Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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