is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
