after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
