I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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