Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
