New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
