At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
