Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
