I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
