did you get engaged???
Can Purell be used as lube?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
