There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
