and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
