chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
