no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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