well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Text me some of your sweat
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
