i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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