when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize