Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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