Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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