5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
