At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
