You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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