I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
